bxrtley

A personal trail of synchronicity

Category: identity

Reversing Shame – My Research

  As promised, I have the ebook version of my preliminary research on shame and self-perception ready for you. At the moment, I don’t have a computer, so these Dropbox links are the next best way to make the PDF and ePub available.

Here you go.

Reversing Shame – PDF DOWNLOAD
Reversing Shame – EPUB DOWNLOAD

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Success, At What Cost: Part 4

Whenever I go through some serious hardships related to the relentless grind, I watch The Pursuit of Happyness. I reflect on the protagonist, Christopher Gardner played by Will Smith, and I envision shouldering the resilience, faith, pain, tears and victories of his narrative. Yet, he ended up brokering a multi-million dollar deal at the cost of a broken family. Kearns earned a few millie and wifey left. Gardner garnished a few millie and wifey left too. There’s got to be some similarities in the protagonists, right? Well, let’s find out together.

Success, At What Cost: Part 3.4

When you become a spouse and parent, your priorities change significantly (says the bachelor who is trying to sum up complex issues in 100 words). Your vision of success takes on a version of selflessness. It’s what Kearns couldn’t even when his wife in one scene subtly hinted that he already was a success because of his family. But you can’t patent that. You can’t call it your own. That’s what Kearns desired. When your relentless grind starts to negatively impact those in your corner who would die with you for your cause, it’s time to reevaluate your motives.

Success, At What Cost: Part 3.3

Would Kearns communicating that his work-life balance would be uneven have made a difference? Most definitely. It would have opened the floor to proactive dialogue, versus reactionary complaints of him not taking responsibility as husband and father. Paradoxically, he involved his entirely family in the invention process, from brainstorm to prototype to patent. Those scenes were warm with love. However, his passion for engineering that brought his family together also drove them away. Perhaps they weren’t initially drawn at all. Maybe it was more of a patriarchal rally that eventually lost its luster, revealing the true character of obsession.

I decided to split up the previous footnote (255 words) into two posts and revamp them for those who took the time to read it. I also didn’t want to simply copy and paste from yesterday’s creation. This is the first post. The second will be published tomorrow.

Success, At What Cost: Part 3.2

Would it have been unethical and uninspiring for Kearns to take Ford’s $30 million settlement offer, for the sake of his family’s emotional and mental health? (Heck, even financial wellness—he had six kids and both spouses were teachers!) Absolutely not. I think his family and community would have empathized. Was his wife and children too selfish to understand? Not at all. As you watch the film, you’ll notice he seemed to have more of a desire for individual greatness, than even familial legacy. There was room for both, but his Success Scale was uneven. (Hit the 100 limit again!)

Speaking of balance, would communicating to his family that his work-life distribution would be dramatically skewed have made a difference? Most definitely. It would have opened the floor to proactive dialogue, versus reactionary complaints of him being just an engineer and not a husband nor father. Interestingly enough, he involved his entirely family in the invention process, from prototype to patent. Those scenes were warm with love. His passion for engineering brought his family together, but it also drove them away (at least for 12 years). I think it was because his passion morphed into something a bit more self-centered than family-oriented. I believe when you become a spouse and parent, the priorities change (says the bachelor who is trying to sum up complex issues in 100 words). Nothing is wrong with the relentless grind. But when that grind starts to negatively impact the ones you love (not the naysayers or those insecure relatives who jealously doubt you, but those you are actually in your corner and would die with you for your cause)—once your grind alienates you from your core support, it’s time to reevaluate what’s actually going on. Isolation from everyone as a husband, wife, father, mother is not impossible—but you better be very sure that this is what should be happening. And such isolation for the relentless grind is probably just adapted to your new lifestyle as a mate and guardian. But then again, what about those enlisted in the marines, army, navy, air force, etc.? Hm..

Success, At What Cost: Part 3.1

In the biopic Flash of Genius, inventor Robert Kearns fights against Ford Motors to protect his intermittent wipers invention and, more importantly, his name. If it were going to keep his family together, would it have been unethical and uninspiring for Kearns to take Ford’s $30 million settlement offer, but never hear them officially say they were wrong? Was his wife and children too selfish to understand the gravity and influence of his legal endeavor? Was it just a matter of work-life balance and his failure to communicate that the “work” side of the scale would be heavily weighted for the next decade?


*I’ve reached the 100-word limit. I’ll try and answer these questions tomorrow. Maybe between now and then, I can come up with deeper inquiries that will encourage a deeper level of critical thinking. Sheesh, this is harder than I thought!

Success, At What Cost: Part 2

How far do you go to fulfill individual success, when you’re married with children? I’m not talking about becoming an entrepreneur when you only have 6 months savings in the bank or no emergency cash at all, as you rely solely on your spouse’s income (which may be stressful enough). I mean you deciding to be a stockbroker, subsequently making your family homeless (The Pursuit of Happyness). Or spending 12 years fighting a corporate automotive giant and estranging yourself from your family (Flash of Genius). I’ll be using these biopic movies to explore this idea of the relentless grind.